Category Archives: rabbit holes

The Enlightened Punk

Hope was Kants failing

The categorical imperative good will for its own sake has been stretched in this world.

He was a blind guide after the world war,thrust into prominence for his ideas of universal rationalism – an honour I am not sure he would actually have relished responsibility for.

Morality,in the meantime,and by its corollary – individual good will can be fabricated to justify anything on a personal level but every decision leads to a conflict i.e. a winner and a loser (lazy me vs get fit me)  but this is particularly obvious in direct human interactions and self gain can often be justified as the best options for your children and by extrapolation-for your species’s future over and above an individual transgression.

self sacrifice is the ultimate implied requirement and judgement one has to make

That the means being more important than the ends will ultimately achieve the best end anyway?

Dealing with no prospect of self gain or how well you can construct an abstract sense of gain in some less tangible sense is the leap of imagination that seems to be required and yet paradoxically easier to see amongst more primitive life forms.

Are we just rationally exhibiting the same extent of cooperation and competition that is actually a successful strategy throughout the natural world.

Is success of a species a valid end gain or survival of life itself given the insurmountable odds against the latter on the grand scale…

the most persuasive of the abstract concepts ,that of immortality ,is maybe the driver for the more benevolent advances but not necessarily for the sake of advance but because it allows potential for more  longer term “progress” (or survivability) despite no immediate gain within an individual lifespan.

Is personal failure the key to maintain that momentum of a larger world view in the absence of personal success?

children are the visceral fleshy reality of that.

the majority therefore constitute Gods brain.Cells die but they replenish.Overrall populations plasticise and the brain becomes more self aware.

The Earth is then the universes mind.Its only moral compass.With no  concept of why or how it found itself in this position.

We are her organelles

We owe it to the Brain to communicate like nerves to understand ourselves as the greater whole and achieve the ultimate victory of immortality over the individual.

The overall anonymity of the majority is what allows this artificial construct to remain a seductive justification for morality,humanity,survival or whatever you want to call it.

Friction and immorality get marginalised over time in this construct but are necessary to strive through trial and error

So like a sequence of reductions atrocities may never be completely eliminated but can be reduced to insignificance by the overwhelming attractiveness of the meme for the anonymous majority.

So does too much potential for individual gain erode that goal of species wide progress or is it just a marginal byproduct that there seems to be so much instant and readily available fame for so many more.

Or does that constant exposure to individual success reduce the attractiveness of individual fame as being of much value and enable the rest of us to buckle down for what we see as the long game.

Or is this the final descent into self extinguishing Anarchy.

Fuck knows.

Of that,Mr Kant, I am 100% sure.


ETA billion AD give or take

The rocks merged with the sulphurous horizon.
The blazing red giant,his sole companion, witness to the fireworks
Collision on M31
The air rising with the dust
If he could shed a tear it would have dispersed like the final rain scattered for all the time
That was left
As he looked thru those dry and weathered eyes
Lit by the spiralling purple glow
Of an atmosphere consumed
In a whirlwind of ablution.
So lay Lisac
The last mortal speck of humanity on spaceship Earth falling into Andromeda’s glittering oceans.



Minutes from NHS business meeting

Random nuclear decay occurring in identical nuclei may mean non identical nuclei in some extra space time dimension eg maybe the relativistic light like dimension ct is the variable responsible for 3D randomness in a deterministic 4D universe suggesting that a 3d zero may also have infinite different values in space time and yet be a kernel in any 3d calculation but predicting the future means understanding its 4d time evolution which could be a complex exponential.

so collapse of a wave function may be a case of incorporating space time into  schrodingers wave equation to isolate why and when an apparently random abrupt discontinuous change seems to occur – has this already been done?

And is the ubiquitous use of  infinity in calculus and fourier series essentially the reason for conceptual failure  of quantum relativity unification ie behaviour at a singularity ,given the evidently infinite behaviour of a complex function according to casorati weierstrauss theorem that can be arbitrarily close to any value as it approaches an essential singularity and is this not the complex analytic equivalent of the Russell paradox unallowable set of all sets that are not members of themselves ,effectively barring it from legal use in set theory like dividing by zero as such self referential sets are like 2 mirrors taking an image of each other ad infinitum which will ultimately not give you practical answers hence one applies an arbitrary constraint to compensate for ones Godelian incompleteness.this is tantamount to explaining all leaps that are made to bridge the gap between mathematics and experimental physics eg the additional term in Maxwells equation for curlB which applies the simplest form for dE/dt from an infinite choice,or the decision to omit a reflected wave on the opposite side of a barrier when calculating wave transmission.

ockhams razor may be the human leap from Godelian algorithmic limitation to higher dimensions not just of space and time but beyond knowable mathematical axioms

or maybe it’s the shackle we are tying ourselves to that is preventing us from coming to terms with the pre determined nature of our unknowable 3d life and the multiverse that breathes alongside us parallel but always untraceable to us.

Random Walks in my Morris C Minor

Honey on crown
Glazed waxy syrup
moonshine helmeted by fishy net
Drowning said beehive on head

But still the buzzing goes fucking on

Spanner to cranium
Like pancake to brake disc
Because head not egg enough
To fry

the stephening drilling moans on

Like Oscar gone wild
Despite glycerin and phosphate
And valsalva sighs

The shitus quo stays very put

His spiralling eyes
Likes circular dice
Spinning his world
To syncopal demise

Ectatic rose spiders
Webbing ye buccinators
to yon gillespie nest
Dizzily free
To withering heights

“this is mine to deal with”
Lisac mutters thru oedematous sulci
“the last vestige of intention…
my cortex,my cortex
Heel to thine master!”

And with an almighty push
He committed history
To the consequence of his synaptic whim

“Because nature favours the brave..”leaked his amygdala
“And invents cowards for their consumption…”

His pituitary grumbled for its addisonian gyro

“Failure is a self fulfilling prophecy

“ICNAARC is a tally of self fulfilling fear driven job insecurity and lack of bed capacity from its majority stakeholder- the humble District General HospiTAl” muttered Shutit,Lisacs most industrious alpha wave

Ah…he’s waking up doctor..shall we extubate him”

Lets see…Mr Luton…are there fish in the sea???”

“Will it be negatively marked like your mortality score?” answered Lisac through his fenestration

Ahh ..clearly delerious…ramp up the propofol and suppress these insightful bursts nurse….lets wait another day till he conforms a bit more…”

“you shouldn’t admit if you think you’ll withdraw”

“yea I know that came up on my CRB..that’s why I work in this shitty hole…”

“Beds per heads equals inverse pressure to be dead”

And in a moment of peak BIS

off his head” yelled the dr to the bed

because stats favour the brave…and rely on the fearful to exaggerate the fall

turn the tilt table straight up again….up on yer feet Lisac we’ve tipped you the right way round again!”

and thus did the doctor surely resist the seductive allure to extend his ITU’s LOS score

POTS doing ones head in

Pinch of Basil,dash of Zorba and a sprinkling of pine nuts

So I heard Andreas Wagner talking on Start the Week about one of the misunderstood aspects of the Evolution Paradigm that random mutations alone can give rise to complexity as fast as they have.
The “library ” of permutations for genetic codes of amino acids (and importantly metabolism itself) is so large that the successful mutation resulting in rhodopsin for vision ,for example ,is comparable to a needle in a haystack.
However his own argument is that the one dimensional view of what is a useful genetic code is missing an unmeasureable other factor : the undefinable drive to find a way no matter what : darehesay “intelligent design” (which of course he did his best to avoid ,being German and all that – dogmas don’t go down very well),nevertheless the view emerged that there are many more permutations of codes that are compatible with survival in the environment than is appreciated.Our insistence to be amazed by the fluke of our existence fails to realise that our presence was an equally weighted outcome that currently happens to be the dominant mode of life against a host of very different equally weighted alternatives.Take the “evolved” metabolism of bacteria capable of utilising poisonous dioxins for energy.Arguably even if there is life on different planets and atmospheres it may process and metabolise energy so radically differently we may not have a clue what sort of evidence to even look for.Obsessing about Earth-like planets is probably missing the bigger point about how life seems to be big on incurring entropy debt that it always has to pay back to Big Bad Universal Banker a bit later…a debt that is always collected.
It seems that even if entropy may ultimately like disorder it is still partial to travelling the scenic route first.Bit like life,eh (saw that coming?) : big hoo-hah,this ‘n that,all a big fuss-and then you die.Might as well make a song and dance of it…somebody up there is having a laugh…


Not URM computable

Lisac’s giant well grew as he hurtled deeper and deeper.
The wispy remnants of pseudo-intelligentsia continue to float in from the fathomless beyond.
That great pool of retrospective economists burgeoning at the gateway of epiphany,never really sure which is the way in or out of a recession but never short of incantations to feed their own self worth and never short of Whitehall’s attention.
Midway through the journeys of their lives,running in circles, forever retracing their own shadows,never looking up to see the path out of the forest and into the light.

The sense of crisis pervades.
Would bring tears of sorrow and happiness to Marx’s eyes.
Crisis is disempowerment is a crisis is freedom.
Having to entrust to mysterious powers…the native zombie tongue of finance-to assure the plebs there are powers greater then themselves at work here.
All is Or-well..Big Brother loves you.

“Well you can fuck with my money and my mind but you will never get my attention because you choose to speak in a dais,” he uttered silently,”and since I work shifts and you don’t want to…I will carry on working autonomously without any functioning memory
“I am the final automaton…otherwise known as..the shopfloor
“And you cannot,nay do not wish to take my place because you like to be shielded from your decisions

“And that is why you can serve yourself and worry about how many helipads you should have on your yacht…but you will not control me…because I am an uncomputable automaton creature borne of crisis and acting in crisis and only offering a thread of credence to your sense for power until it all collapses and then you can sit down and re analyse why you are unable to influence global ecological restructuring of a planet when you were convinced you had it figured….

Lisac stopped blowing bubbles at this point as the froth was beginning to seep out of his eyeballs.

“Peanut malt ,please…shaken but not deterred…”

“Drink with your eyes closed” said the Tinsel town bartender “Its easier to keep going that way”

Maybe the outcome will be better

Lisac beginning to fill with nitrous,to drift above the new rhetoric of desperation,rising above the absurdities
whispers echoing “Absence of evidence is proof you haven’t looked hard enough-get an electron microscope – look harder godammit!”

open your eyes
Look around

Belief is not controlled in an RCT
Psychology is not accounted for.

In the face of a multitude of potential confounders and consistently inconclusive outcomes in ITU why is it not recognised that any hidden benefit is effectively too small to give a useful picture of the whole and that there is a big missing other.
how and why is it that RCTs make no attempt to control for pre morbid psychological state,motivation and emotional intelligence?
Admittedly there are practical difficulties but it is surely worth it as it is a giant hole in all trials of acute care that have failed to inspire any significant progress for some time now.

“I shall be the pink rabbit with the waistcoat and the watch” mumbled Lisac’s intensivist ,as he guided his fibrescope into Lisacs right bronchus to fish out the giant nut
“I shall guide Alice out of Wonderland”

The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus
The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus


so as a nonsmoker trying to muscle in on the nuances of inhaling a cheap e cig I managed to puff my way into an Aldous Huxley moment.

Sitting in my backyard in my pyjamas staring at the darkness and a trampoline without registering any of it

Concentrating on how to avoid that shitty hit in the throat it dawned on me that the diffusion and convection dynamics are very different from a cigarette which the act of inhaling will result in an obvious redistribution of thermal energy driven by my own negative pressure and feeding back to prevent an abrupt overload.

Now igniting a fire and trying to inhale it once it is crackling seems in hindsight to be an obviously bad move not to mention a good way of disintegrating any mucous epithelium in the back of your oropharynx.

And then I realised you’ve got to start inhaling before you activate it,then the pressure is already negative and it prevents accumulation in the back of your throat and negligible sensation of any log fire in your mouth,

So theres me suddenly sucking gallons of this stuff in and then…hey presto

I focussed on the blades of grass that I had evidently been fixating on ,with a moment of crystal clarity …so thats what adrenaline is for…

And also for my subsequent decision to try and take out the Trident sized moth going bezerk next to the night light…with my son’s wooden Arthurian replica sword…

I dunno…it seemed possible- i even think I stunned it.

Its been an insecticidal week

After bendiocarbing the shapeshifting wasp nest at my parents house after months of speculative honeybee denial.

Thats agent Sarin for wasps,organophosphorous poisoning- carbamate actually.

they get “sleepy”…yeah… like the Indian peasant who got given suxamethonium by the local hospital janitor because he was having trouble “relaxing”.Thats deserves the WackoJacko hall of insomnia fame.

and then I brush aside my rotting bananas only to be encircled by a swarm of baby flies…nice…too bloody small for the electric swatter.

But there was one…one of those icky shiny blue-green ones that was just within range

So I swung at it…real bunker golf style..but managed to stun it.

Stunning seems the theme

It did that weird wobble that only electric swatters seem to cause.

Alive but apparently can’t fly anymore…so I stick the swatter over it as an act of mercy and see those Frankensteiny electric bolts shoot through it

Had another e cig epiphany moment and recognised that this was such concentrated heat that the air around it was essentially becoming ionised into plasma and the little bit of water underneath the fly was maintaining a dielectric surface boundary  that might be concentrating a surface bound current and charge density with a resulting magnetic intensity and electric displacement differential that resulted in an orthogonally directed circumferential motion in the plane of the surface sending this fly into a sustained  headspinning breakdance for about 10 seconds


And all of this without any driving current from the swatter presumably while the fields decay within the skin depth of the water defined by the imaginary wavenumber of the transmitted wave

It wasn’t trying to fly because when it finally stopped spinning it was evidently already dead.

Weird…think I should stop smoking this shit.

Kill fly with chopstick
Kill fly with chopstick

Amosite or chrysotile

Choose this way or that.or don’t make a choice at all.
Does that sound like a choice at all?
Hawk or dove?
Alive or dead?
Married or single?
Myasthenic or cholinergic crisis?
On or off

So this pointless pseudo rhetoric brings me to the subject of autopilot.
Don’t know if anyone experiences that strange out of body sensation of listening to yourself talk to your own kids and amaze myself with my own capacity to engage and continue to converse quite fluently with my kids whilst not actually trying to go anywhere with it. In fact it’s like the answers and questions are coming out of my spinal cord with absolutely no limbic or cortical involvement.its like I’m listening on quite absently to somebody else’s rambling exchange.
I even find myself genuinely laughing and enjoying the conversation as much as an observer as a participant.

It’s probably not great to such hippocampal bypass if you hope to remember big chunks of these episodes yet the sensation of an observer might stick and you can be sure to be left with some warm hearted memories.
Nature seems nice that way and always seems to let the good memories mature with time into something altogether more esoteric and yet more meaningful than you thought at the time.
It’s the same quality that a good photographer or observational comedian has.
The ability to recognise the worth of a moment.
If it becomes too habitual you might lose touch with the visceral necessity of instinct and become immersed in a detached contemplation …which is fine if isolation is compatible with your life…
But the anti rationalists would argue that the value of your life equates with the engagement in the present and acting on your impulse is the truest state of human nature yearning for harmony between the mental and the external.

And whatnot

Dystonic Bipolar electrical dipole moments have uniformly polarised the last decade of super zombies.
Starting with 28 days later these zombies probably just needed their pontine peduncular nuclei deeply stimulated to help awaken them from the student party when they gave MPTP a whirl.

And now the dopey levo sends them swinging on and off between Catatonia and wild debauchery

Just your average student

Night falls
The dark closes in
sounds muffled
Head heavy with dulled thoughts
In the Striatum
Guiding your body
When your mind is asleep
And the harmony of those frequencies
Falls into phase
Spikes and waves
BIS equals zero

Phylogenetic Gradualist Misfits

Newmans theory of evolution.

Fast paced information packed couple of hours laced with equally paced humour likely to leave one slightly overwhelmed with antiquated Latin taxonomy, physically entertaining interludes,a priceless Ronnie Corbett homage,some Russian and lots of anti Dawkins ranting which was refreshingly unrestrained.
Maybe they went to different rowing schools…
He did dive straight into the deep end opening with a hypothetical foray into turkey anthropology and risked leaving most people as dazed as his demeanour but if u stick it out his message is one most would empathise with…that cooperation may have as much to do with progress as the so called neo Darwinian idea of competitiveness embodied in Dawkins selfish gene…or cell…or quark…or whatever.
Sure he prob knows that fundamentally it is impossible to argue against any idea of self replicative attribute if the subject is,by necessity, a survivor.
So examples of sacrifice for the greater good can still be gotten round.
And the phylogenetic leap into existence of some highly developed prehistoric birds from out of apparently nothing could be simply indicative of the intermediates not being preserved well enough or located yet.
But the idea of survival of the fittest has not mastered the conquest of climate change or ice ages because the periods are simply too long.
Within each climactically stable period the fittest flourish but of course the scavengers of yesterday always have a chance by virtue of their relatively smaller dependence on fuel compared to the giants of the age that simply expand as much as the atmosphere can enable them to.
Too much success simply means the fall will be greater in numbers but percentage wise some remnants survive but we don’t judge the survivors as representatives of that age because by necessity again they were not the big guns of the age eg birds.
If you can speak in a different language fluently you can have a different version of you.
Too much success in one environment will draw disproportionate attention to your failures but it does not negate your success.
As Julie Delphi put it…the only time I get to think these days is when I am in the toilet…Now I am beginning to associate thoughts with the smell of shit…….