Germany led the age of Enlightenment leaving a legacy to the bold and the intrepid.the brave adventurer delving into the unknown in the name of nothing but his own curiosity.And most emblematic of the age..prepared to sacrifice himself in the name of science.
Now i know Humphrey Davy might have insisted that he was trying nitrous for scientific purposes..i get that…perks of the job if u will…work hard play hard and all that…but how you get from that to thinking about injecting your spinal cord with something is a leap into madness.
Karl Bier must have been a nut nut.
or just mayyyyybeeee its cuz cocaine had been around the block a while..or maybe it wasn’t or maybe they were trying the ultimate high??
now if you’re that desperate just go to an ENT outpatients with sinusitis and u can get a free squirt of cocaine up your nose.
i digress….now i know i was in a waiting room after having had elvis give me a shot with his little nasal nebuliser ready to go back in to clinic for a bit of a sinus clean up..
but in my mind i was at the gates of Dantes inferno speeding my head off with armageddon hot on my forked and bloody tail.
so anyway Bier there thinking hmmm spinals..seems like a good idea….what could i stick into it…ah ha of course why didnt i think of i sooner…bit of crack…great idea!
or maybe it was was…hay mann,this snorting coke shit just aint getting to my brain fast enough…i need it right in there…no fucking customs and excise please…ah ha.. a back door methinks…err of course in the naaaym of science.
but nevertheless there they are Bier and Hildebrandt ..intrepid pioneers sitting at the cusp of a revolution in surgery…or just another pair of German sadomasochists…u choose.
and Bier is like…mein Student,komm zie aus hier mein Tchuss hildebrandt.let us together in the name of our Vaterland…make ourselves paralytic.
now hildebrandt is obviously flattered cuz his boss actually offers his own back but he’s kinda nervous and strangely excited..the moment is at hand,in a moment student and teacher will be in union,the elder gently guiding his bairn over the soft smooth curves of his own back….
it was too much for hildebrandt and he spills his previous cocaine juice all over his masters rear.
terribly embarrassed hildebrandt hurriedly prepares to try again but the calm and reassuring hand of Bier is raised..”hush.worry not.let me show you.it is after all your first time and you are nervous.”
so bier the man of experience approached hildebrandt from behind and ..hey presto!..he’s in there in one go and he definitely unloads the entire contents of his syringe into his students back.
hildebrandt feels a strange rush..a tingling sensation…and their place in history is secured!
needless to say..flushed with their success an evening of much revelry commenced..only to end the following morning when Bier,lying on ruffled sheets,cigar in hand turns to hlidebrandt and then stubs his cigar out on his students shin…
” what the fuck r u doing” (please bear with my historical embellishments)
“well u didn’t seem to mind last night when we finished mudwrestling naked mein Hilde” and he gestures to his students lower regions whereupon Hildebrandt is astonished to see multiple cigar stub marks all over his legs…and to make things worse…his shins have evidently been hammered with some blunt instruments and his testicles have clearly been groped with some significant zeal….
The first intentional spinal anaesthetic had been a resounding success…