On Elms

So what is mental illness?
When you suddenly discover the dual identity disorder is real and delve into a 20 page rant from a manic..or watch This Is It about Michael Jackson..and realise maybe people are just born a certain way.

Ok.Maybe not straight from the womb..but not far off.

Actually ,Who isn’t mad?…probably a wierdo

To be in an industry where you constantly need to reinvent yourself.”Here today,gone later today” is a phrase I heard the other day.
Now thats not a recipe for bipolar disorder is it?

Music and movies is something for the older generation anyway…the kids dont even know what we’re talking about anymore…other than the fact that we look as bewildered by present reality as our parents did by rave music.

But its so normal now that the concept of conservatism has been cornered into an extremely dubious backwater of Brexitville,something almost elevated to the mystical heights of eccentric nostalgia.

Now the madness is plain to see everywhere.You can look at footage of Michael Jackson and see the innocence of that age about TV and fame.
With social media the quest fro originality has become an end to itself.The desperation to stand out in order to mean something.

So there you go..why not the latest -ism in town…Islamosadomasochisticism—or something

Something to feed that voice –and the beard

So maybe originality is overrated?Certainly the uber cool element of it has only taken off since it became something that pays…and with that it has brought about its own demise as fast as its own rise….The post world war disinhibition has been short lasting cuz theres only so far you can go with reality until reality starts parodying itself.Money has a habit of bringing the end of something.

So you have self declared heroes on Youtube responding to that desperate need to eek something out of their lives because to be no one is now so much worse than death itself

Never before have so many people sought so desperately for immortality and had so many ways of getting it

Same but deferent

U know u belong here when u dont feel u should curtsey for the queen.
Because dissent is a characteristically english trait
And subservience with the hope of being accepted is the litmus test for seeming like an outsider.

And once you have corporate enforced policies of multiculturalism and respect for other “faiths” embedded in the workplace to substitute that individual responsibility and unwritten common sense social contract of respect between 2 adults you r committing that difference to be maintained rather than to be a human and naturally evolving relationship between individuals and paradoxically disagreeing with a policy becomes more acceptable irrespective of the underlying “politically correct” motive.
And all the education in the world only makes the difference stand out more if elitism differentiates the soul less “anywhere” people from the more heart on sleeve “somewhere” people especially given that in the 5th richest country on the world we are 29th on education-because a defining feature of the current culture is to make sonething of yourself without-or even,in spite of,your education and maximise your benefit from a tax system designed to encourage craftiness,or to put it another way, dissent.
Hence the u turn on national insurance that would have hit a disproportionately large group of self entitled self employed tax return specialists.
Seems to me the rest of Europe has a different relationship with employers and authority in general…although they are looking with ever greater interest

Valerian Footrot

Love,Time and Death
Like Will Smith shouting down your ear that he’s a serious actor and in case you didn’t notice – make the title of the movie so hubristic that the only way to follow it up is to state as clearly and as soon as poss that there is a dead kid in it – just in case you’re thinking ..Will Smith?surely a comedy…no?

No…i think…just a movie version of what the X Factors and ‘(whoever’s) Got Talent’ shows have perfected.i see it more clearly now for its gratuity.

That slippery slope from tacky to cheesy to kitsch to outright cynical.

When its become less about the naked parading of the hopefuls be they singers or actors but the shallowness of the message itself – that your personal tribulations are only worth something if you can make them sound genuine…

And if you can hold back the tears yet make everyone around you cry…if you can suffer pain and loss…or make it seem so when you haven’t….if you can gag for fame and fortune ,yet convince all around you that you’re somehow different,if you can absorb all the insults and judgements and continue to play for the camera.If you can take your own soul,wrap it up in a ribbon and remarket it as “real”. If you can do all these things and not breathe a word about others except about what matters to you and yet convince others to love you just the same…then yours is the telly…and whats more…youll be a celeb,my child.

ETA billion AD give or take

The rocks merged with the sulphurous horizon.
The blazing red giant,his sole companion, witness to the fireworks
Collision on M31
The air rising with the dust
If he could shed a tear it would have dispersed like the final rain scattered for all the time
That was left
As he looked thru those dry and weathered eyes
Lit by the spiralling purple glow
Of an atmosphere consumed
In a whirlwind of ablution.
So lay Lisac
The last mortal speck of humanity on spaceship Earth falling into Andromeda’s glittering oceans.



Minutes from NHS business meeting

Random nuclear decay occurring in identical nuclei may mean non identical nuclei in some extra space time dimension eg maybe the relativistic light like dimension ct is the variable responsible for 3D randomness in a deterministic 4D universe suggesting that a 3d zero may also have infinite different values in space time and yet be a kernel in any 3d calculation but predicting the future means understanding its 4d time evolution which could be a complex exponential.

so collapse of a wave function may be a case of incorporating space time into  schrodingers wave equation to isolate why and when an apparently random abrupt discontinuous change seems to occur – has this already been done?

And is the ubiquitous use of  infinity in calculus and fourier series essentially the reason for conceptual failure  of quantum relativity unification ie behaviour at a singularity ,given the evidently infinite behaviour of a complex function according to casorati weierstrauss theorem that can be arbitrarily close to any value as it approaches an essential singularity and is this not the complex analytic equivalent of the Russell paradox unallowable set of all sets that are not members of themselves ,effectively barring it from legal use in set theory like dividing by zero as such self referential sets are like 2 mirrors taking an image of each other ad infinitum which will ultimately not give you practical answers hence one applies an arbitrary constraint to compensate for ones Godelian incompleteness.this is tantamount to explaining all leaps that are made to bridge the gap between mathematics and experimental physics eg the additional term in Maxwells equation for curlB which applies the simplest form for dE/dt from an infinite choice,or the decision to omit a reflected wave on the opposite side of a barrier when calculating wave transmission.

ockhams razor may be the human leap from Godelian algorithmic limitation to higher dimensions not just of space and time but beyond knowable mathematical axioms

or maybe it’s the shackle we are tying ourselves to that is preventing us from coming to terms with the pre determined nature of our unknowable 3d life and the multiverse that breathes alongside us parallel but always untraceable to us.

Majorca to Manchester (via Existential Angst)

a metal shudder
the cloudy veil of manchester
to remind its freshly tanned re entrants
about their own fragility.

barely perceptible
until wife whispers to me :
“i think this pilot must be a learner…”

the earnest expression ( and several years of training) resolves the matter of how best to respond:
“it’ll be fine” i say in my vocal equivalent of an emergency stop

to lie or deceive
fake or believe?

am i a willing participant in this buffoonery?
or the calm bestower of a ruthlessly logical statistical certainty

to join in the madness of my own uniqueness
or to fall back on my trust in my own insignificance??

which way to go?
the lesser maddening?

“thanks for the existential crisis darling” (quotation marks only for the privacy of my own demasculated manhood)

and then to shatter the internal clamour
the juddering landing
followed by a smattering of applause and a few polite humorous euphemisms….

what just happened there?

the wordless acknowledgement of a shared experience of contemplating our own mortality in a form of a digestibly light aperitif…
ahhh..back to real life.

can there be anything more real?

is life really just a load of kitsch
until the only thing that is and always will be the one real thing in our life…
our own death.

and this constant skirting around the realness of things

now so replicated and mass produced in all perceptible forms for the senses to consume

this fleeting experience of something inside us
so hungrily sought after
but to remain at arms length

turning us into multicoloured lava lamps continuously emitting emotional radiation in response to the barrage of pulses from the “cynics” who dont worry about the value of the feeling so much as the price.

because maybe for the majority of us kitsch may be as much reality as we would like to have

before the mask goes on
and the anaesthetic seeps in
and you can only let yourself be at your most vulnerable
by suspending belief
and trusting in the ephemeral fluidity of your own impermanence
to tunnel through that insurmountable absurdity of your existence

what could more real than that?

The Barrier of Belief
The Barrier of Belief

Parents’ Survival Guide to the Summer Holidays

How to survive the school holidays!

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Lets face it, it’s inevitable that if you have more than one child there will be arguing and by arguing I mean lots of arguing!


In this scenario in order to stay sane, we advise all parents and guardians to start a separate argument with them on what ever subject necessary. Watch them retreat together, and in no time at all they will be playing quietly away from you!


So you’re only on day two of the holidays, and already you have repeated yourself a hundred times,

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Perfectly you stories advise that you make eye contact with that little person/persons in question, pretend you have lost your voice and start miming your words and dancing around very erratically, this action is 1- bound to get their attention and 2- amuse them if only for 10 seconds. Both of which may get the desired outcome.


So you find yourself locked in the bathroom for some peace, and look around you and see clothing, used toothpaste in the sink (which is a good thing to clean taps and plug holes so we are told) and if you have boys there’s a faint smells of pee, and the toilet seat is up AGAIN!-


In this scenario Perfectly you stories advise that you 1- get out of the toilet, and 2- pour a glass of wine, after all it’s 6 o’clock somewhere in the world…right?


So you cleaned the house for what seems like days and everyday seems to be like groundhog day-


In this scenario Perfectly You Stories advise you to simply lower your cleaning standards….

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No lower then again… and again…


there that’s it now you are getting it.

So the dreaded words “I’m bored what can I do” are uttered after spending the day entertaining them-

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Now there are 2 scenarios here!

Firstly you could: make play dough, get their board games out, play in the garden, take them to the park, bake cakes, play hide and seek, play with the Wii, Xbox, play station…there are a number of options if you get our drift


or alternatively, and here’s your chance to really let loose! You could have a rant about how they should count themselves lucky that they have electronic equipment and tell them you didn’t when you were growing up, and you had to entertain yourself. Explain that the internet is a new thing, and you didn’t have it growing up, explain that you didn’t have a 1000 TV channels you had four channels, and that you had one TV in the house not a TV in every room… it is at this point that hopefully when you look down at them that they have got bored with what you have been saying, and are happily playing with one of their toys.


We wish you a happy and sane summer holiday from the perfectly you stories team